The Legacy of Grief

Linda Pritchard October 32, 1953 — April 15, 2021

Tony & Linda July 11, 1981 — April 15, 2021

After the death of my beloved wife, I looked out and saw the world going on as if nothing had happened—people laughing and living their lives with their families, as it should be. And yet it struck me deeply: Don’t you people know that my beloved wife of forty years died?

How can the world just... continue?

It is called the lethargy of grief. C.S. Lewis described it as laziness, but I find myself profoundly lethargic—across the full spectrum of life’s activities. The only thing that has lifted the fog in my mind is God’s Word and the study of doctrine. In the first year after my beloved’s passing, I purchased over forty books—most of them theological in nature.

The so-called “stages of grief” are a poor map for the terrain. While some elements may be present, they never follow a clean order. Some people experience fewer stages than those listed, others more. And just when I think I’ve gained a foothold, a wave of grief overwhelms me again. I’ve never found anger toward my beloved reasonable, though for many, anger toward God is more common than we might care to admit.

Recriminations—how they torment the soul. Though they are part of the grieving process and often fade with time, the man of sin will use them against you and against the cause of Christ. But know this: we are human. We are not perfect. And more often than not, those self-accusing thoughts are magnified by Satan beyond what is true. Many of them aren’t even valid.

I grieve to say it, but grief is not something we “push through” to reach the other side. What we feel is our love for the one we’ve lost—stripped of any avenue for expression in this life. There is no "other side." We absorb, adapt, and accept. It is a complete alteration of our former life—a redefinition of who we are and how we live. Only God remains unchanged in His unchangeableness.

Yet even in the midst of that unwanted upheaval, joy can endure and grow. For joy is a fruit of the Spirit of God (Galatians 5:22). Happiness depends on circumstances. And so, in sorrow, we are not “happy.” But joy—being born of God—does not depend on our circumstances. Though it may be hard to see or feel at present, it remains. Happiness may return with time, but it will always be accompanied by the trace of grief we carry forward.

Yours in Him, Bro Tony Pritchard

Postscript I still grieve—sometimes as much as when it first happened. —Tony